A girl told me that I am her soulmate. I told her truthfully that I get that (relatively) a lot. She was not okay with me telling her that. Guess I won't be seeing her anymore. I can see how it was a dick move, but I was trying to tell her to slow the fuck down what the fuck? Ah fuck it. Life goes on.

Sobriety

A few days ago, I began a self-imposed sixty-day period of sobriety, in which I would keep a daily journal with numerous entries made to fight the urge to get drunk or whatever. Well, I fell off the wagon, but I am about to get back on, and I will just re-start the journal. I finally got my oil changed. I washed my sheets of you. Things don't matter. So forgive me all my anger, forgive me all my faults.

call me god.

in a dream an unknown told me glenn close had died. maybe a subliminal radio announcer or a cornered television. dreams with specifics: numbers, first and last names, times, should be noted. more than likely ominous.

i awake and onward i stop to get gas on the way to make money to buy more gas and as soon as i open the car door and stand upright i check the outlying areas for white work vans (conversion) or movement in bushes. still. vigilance and paranoia hold hands in my brain folds. i understand that it will be. the one quick run across the wal-mart parking lot without becoming familiar with terrain beforehand yes that would be the one time crime scene scrapes my brains up from pavement. my destiny filled, an evidence ziplock. remember 2002 and now it’s 2010. my boy was six months old in that october 02, when i took him out of his car seat to have his pictures taken at sears family photo. terrified to cross the lot to the mall and all i could think of was and all i could see was in my mind projected, his baby skull splattered by sniper shot and me the momma bear, holding his limp remains thinking why didn’t i keep him home. sears autumn backdrops are hardly worth such regret. but i made my legs move and let my eyes dart quickly and trusted their sights. and it was because i was so afraid and watching seen and unseen that we survived at all. remember what kurt said about being watched and knowing.

now safe at work contained in my cube. finally, the task at hand: glenn close is not the headline news or currently trending yahoo. therefore, she is still breathing and also not in jail or wearing a device to monitor her alcohol consumption. disheartening my dreams hold no power of premonition or elsehow wires were crossed. still. vigilance and paranoia hold hands in my brain folds. i understand it will be.